how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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