haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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