Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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