Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
