So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
