xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
