Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
