At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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