I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
