is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
