is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
