Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
