I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
