Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
