Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
