five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize