yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
