you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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