he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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