I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
