oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
