i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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