U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
