Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cut my penus on the lid.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
