there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
