which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
