took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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