i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I need to calm my uterus...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
