I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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