i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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