I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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