It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
