I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
