I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
