Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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