from now on my penis is your penis
love makes seman taste better
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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