Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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