Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
