i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
