he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
