Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is Oprah even human
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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