You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
