yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
