sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
