You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
