Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
