I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i think i have herpe
just one?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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