I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
