Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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