is your mom at the bar?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
