This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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