i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
