ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
