your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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