You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
