It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
