At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I supernannyed him into submission
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
