So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize