Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
