do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
