Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
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