You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
