youre lurking in front of me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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