Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
