Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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