just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
