The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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