yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
