3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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