Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!

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(310): View more from California

as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'

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(216): View more from Ohio

She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened

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(954): View more from Florida

Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.

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(775): View more from Nevada

He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"

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(801): View more from Utah

I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.

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