Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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