Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
