i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
