It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
