If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
